Growing up I loved to play house. I loved being the oldest and helping my mom take care of the kids. I loved baby sitting for other families. I'm sure as most kids do, I complained some about my chores, but I most certainly took pride in doing them. When I babysat for other families, I'm sure one of the perks of hiring me was because I cooked, cleaned, bathed the kids and if there was laundry on the couch, I folded it. Me at 11 years old for another family. I don't know how many 11 year olds would be as willing. I did it without asking. Whenever my parents went out for their date nights and I would do my chores "primarily dishes". I'd be so excited for them to come home and see what an awesome job I did. The chore of "Dishes" doesn't mean just cleaning the dishes, it's putting them away, starting dishwasher, wiping the counters/table, sweeping, mopping and because I always like to go above and beyond, I loved setting the table for the next meal. I was very proud of it and wanted to please my parents. (And my parents were in no way shape or form strict or hard on us about doing our chores). I just wanted to do it. Weird right?
Ok, I'm starting to sound like some super star kid. And my mom will tell you that I was LOL....for the most part as a helper. Of course with my teenage years I didn't make things always so easy. I know my attitude was lacking sometimes. But bottom line, I loved that I was needed, I loved to be a helper and I loved to make things nice for others. My dream growing up was someday I'd have a home of my own and have a family and become a homemaker for my own family. A stay-at-home mom even. I wanted to be Suzy-HomeMaker complete with cookies for the kids after school kind.
I had the best teachers being close with the women of my family, and the men too. (I loved to the mow the lawn too, but with so many siblings my brothers tended to help my dad with that.) We all know we have thought when we were younger how we would do things better someday with our own families with certain things.
So here I am, just about 19 years since I've left my parents home, why am I sharing this? Because I feel and see this idea from fellow moms out there that either they don't feel appreciated in their thankless jobs of being a mother-home maker or they don't take pride in it or maybe both. It's a lot of freakin work! That's why there is all this stuff out there about many moms working the equivalent of 3 jobs. It's so easy to lose the joys in the blessing we've been given in providing a loving home for our families to dwell in and it can be exhausting.
What I loved about my parents while growing up and the home they created for us: My mom is extremely chill...patience like you've never known and to a fault. It was a blessing and a curse for her because she rarely yelled at us. She didn't want to be hard on us. My dad traveled a lot when I was young. If he had been there more I'm sure we would have felt more pressure. But my mom is the most loving, caring, non-judgmental person you'll ever meet. I loved that she was there for me when I got home from school each day with exception to periods of time where she had to take on a job to bring in some extra money or when she decided to work on her college education. But most of that was done at night after she had taken care of the family. I could go to her after school and she'd be folding laundry and we'd just talk. I'd talk her ear off and she listened and always empathetic. She was always a comfort and constant and she still is. (I'm not patient like she is). She always put the kids first and there are a bunch of us. Now that I'm driving my own teens everywhere, I can't believe how willing and with out a word of complaint took me, dropped me off and picked me back up all the time at all hours and everything else she did for me all while having younger kids to care for as well. She is going to be rewarded in Heaven her roll as a mother for sure!
My dad, like I said traveled a lot, but he always made time for us and we all had daddy dates. I've always been close to both my parents and in different ways. My dad's greatest gift is that of a listener and supporter of dreams. My dad and I can talk for hours on end about ideas, goals, aspirations. He helped me to develop the drive that I have. He taught me about personal development, how to set goals and why, and how to achieve them. My dad is a handy guy, that generation that can work on engines, do electrical work, put in irrigation lines and eat everything on his plate and everyone's left overs too. He would leave the house early and come home late much of the time. I loved the mornings we'd wake up and he'd make toast and eggs and we'd have family scripture study. He would even have scripture study and family prayer over the phone while he traveled. We were not a consistent family in those things but those times we were made an impact on me. My dad taught me to be a hard worker and to work for what you want.
Both of my parents helped me to know what I wanted to be has a wife and mother. They both taught me the value of hard work, dedication and faith. They were not perfect, they are human. Am I all that I want to be as a wife and mother? Heavens no! I'm working on it. But I do love it and my parents do too. The love of family.
So while I'm not a stay at home mom, much of the time I've been able to be a "work from home" mom. That has it's benefits and not so great attributes. (Story for another time). I remember when Jeff and I first got married and setting up our first apartment. I intended to be the best wife and have dinner on the table, keep everything nice and orderly, get a long and live happily ever after.... ha ha.
Growing up, one of the things I wanted to make sure I did as a parent is make breakfast (as cereal and toast was the prime breakfast for me growing up). And for the most part I do well on that. I made that affirmation when I was young. Now I wish I included dinner in that self affirmation because that is one area I do not do well with.
One thing that hasn't changed in me and that has been the desire to make my home a comforting place to be. I love to clean and take pride it. I'm teaching my kids how as well but the control freak that I am still takes over. (I'm working on that too). Even with my hetic schedule, I wanted and still want to keep my home in order and take care of the needs of the household. From Scrubbing Toilets to greeting my husband when he gets home with a warm smile and a hug to bedtime stories and tucking the kids in at night, all that gives me the warm fuzzies. And it is a thankless job. Not that my family doesn't appreciate it.
There are those many times I've put my husbands clothes away neatly as I've done for the millionth time and I think...wow, it must be nice to walk into your closet and have it constantly replenished and organized. (while my own is a mess). But I actually love doing that for him. Those periods of time that life is just beyond crazy. I'd at least try to make sure the areas he spent the most time in were and are kept tidy. Namely the kitchen/family room. The path from the door to those areas as well so that when he'd come home from a very stressful day of work, he could come home to a stress free environment (as closest as I could come). Other areas could be a disaster but I want the areas he'd be in most or at least at first to be calming. And I've tested it out and it does make a difference, because of course this isn't daily though I try. There are periods of time where it just doesn't happen. Dinner isn't on the table all the time, much of the time he brings home dinner, but I've done what I can with the rest.
I guess this really comes down to is doing a service to my husband and children, serving them, loving them with out expecting a return. Though the love we have is the greatest reward. This isn't me about being a perfect parent because I can write a book on how "imperfect" of a parent and wife for that matter that I am. This is just about My love of a home maker and the things that come a long with that in taking care of a family. There is a massive list we all have as the ideal parent/home maker/spouse and most of the time it's just a few of those items we can actually do and some at different times of our lives. We are strong in one area for so long and then become week and gain strength again in other areas. I can stay on top of laundry for months and then have a crash and it's a nightmare for a month. Where laundry stays on my bedroom floor waiting to be folded for weeks all to just be rewashed and folded when I can bring myself to do it. So don't get me wrong. I'm no saint of a home maker.
So one of the reason I wanted to write about this is our rolls as parents, husband and wife, a team can be challenging and we share a roll and take on responsibilities in that roll and we have to each take a part. My husband and I both work, just like most families do. So being that home maker makes it a bit more challenging. When both parents are working, it's ideal to divide and conquer all the responsibilities. Everyone is different. And everyone has their own very highly opinionated idea of who should do what in the relationship, household duties, family responsibilities. It's important to be a team and figure it out. But take pride in it and your service to each other. Take pride in taking care of your home and making it a sanctuary from the outside world. Shout out to Single parents who do it all. You are amazing doing what you do to take care of your children!
I've often thought of how I'd like to have lived in the 50's where I could be the stay at home parent and be the home maker I've dreamed about. But I'm also career driven and very motivated in my job as well. I've been able to have the best of both worlds. However no matter what I pride myself on being a hard worker and wanting to create a home my husband and children look forward to coming back to each day. Just like everything, it's something that has to be worked on constantly. There is no magic wand in this life. Everything takes work and that work is part of our growth and development of our lives here on this earth.
I truly love being a mom to my children. They are truly my greatest joy (and challenge ;-)
I see all these post of fellow moms trying to lift each other up and let them know they are not a lone in what we go through as moms. And it's a huge thing right now and I'm glad other moms are sharing their stories so women/men out there being these parents know are not a lone. But I want to focus on the joys of motherhood and even being a wife. The blessing it is to be entrusted by God to take care of his children. To have such a deep profound love for someone you would do anything for. That feeling of wanting to hold your child for hours on end doesn't change as they get older. Maybe sometimes, but even now I love holding my kids in a warm embrace. I love to comfort them and support them and be their cheer leader. I love all the stages of their lives and watching them grow. It is going by too fast.
I told my husband recently that we really on have so many years left with out kids before they go off and start their own lives. It's so easy for him and I to get caught up in ourselves and what we want to do. And we remind ourselves our focus needs to be on our kids and preparing them for that time to go off on their own. We can be selfish later (at times) because you are never done parenting. But this time we have with them now is precious and we need to take it all in. We both are workaholics and even though we are good about taking time to be with the kids on vacations and do things together, it's the little things every day that really matter and making our time together count.
Being a parent is tough. Jeff and I both talked about how we knew there would be challenges but we didn't expect some of the ones our kids have had to face and us help them through. But it's helped us grow closer as a family as well and we truly, deeply love our children. They are fun, silly, smart, caring individuals with there very own characteristics. And my heart is just warm thinking about them.
So in summary I love being a wife and mother and the love and service I provide to my family. I did get what I dreamed about having them brings me joy.
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