I don't know who will see this, I can only hope that maybe someone out there will benefit from my thoughts and what I have to share. (PS if your going to critic my grammar...get over it).
I don't really even know where to start, and it's hard for me to just keep things short and sweet.
You know when you've either been reading a really good long book (series) or maybe watching season after season of a show or even a movie series and you are completely enveloped in that alternate universe, a different world, so wrapped up in the story you can't stop watching or reading? And when you are finished with it, it's like coming out of a comma? Your in the twilight zone? Out of sorts?
Or maybe you are a workaholic, (like me) your job takes over, you work day and night. Or maybe your just so busy between Kids, spouse, sporting events, dance lessons, church and community service, PTA, or school and you just live life on auto pilot?
Ever feel you're just in a fog? And those few instances you get a "break" from all the craziness life is that you almost don't know how to function? Maybe you feel down, susceptible to depression, anxiety, hypertension or you name it?
Have you ever just crashed mentally and just burned yourself out? I'm pretty sure most of us have at some point or another. It's part of the human experience. Well, I have definitely felt an accumulation of all the above.
This is where I tell you, don't judge a book by it's cover. You just don't know the struggles others may be going through. It affects those of the most spoiled/privileged lives to the most oppressed.
I've been coming out of my fog, I call it, and it's not easy. But taking some steps in the right direction, making changes to get back on track and everyday working to be better than before.
I burned myself out the last few years and now I'm working to take my life back and get back that vitality. Yes, I've never stopped working out. I did take some longer periods of time where I wasn't as active as I would be normally, I lost the consistency I had built up for many years.
The last 3 1/2 years have been like a yo-yo. Constant ups and downs. Not only did it take a toll on me, but my family too.
Yes, if you know me, I live a rather blessed life and while the last few years have been difficult, I've experienced many great things as well. One of the things I need to come to terms with is I don't need to be that "Super Mom" I maybe was a few years ago. I need to stop being so hard on myself and setting such high expectations for all the things I think I should be doing and just do what I can.
I'm very competitive with myself and have so many ideals as a woman, mother, wife, daughter, aunt, leader, co-worker, coach, church member and the list goes on. Becoming who I want to be but also what Heavenly Father wants me to become and do in this life. Growing and Learning, it's not an easy thing to do. Trial and Error, Making mistakes, Being Selfish/Unselfish, having charity or lack thereof.
I think I'm pretty good and not comparing myself to others, but sometimes it happens. I tend to be harder on myself more than anything.
One thing I need to get over is how "super woman" I may have been years ago and focus on being the best I can now. Just as an example of how Super I felt I was: Working full time, mostly from home, Church Callings, Active PTA board member, Either Head Coach, Asst. Coach or Team Mom for sports each year, Taking on additional child to take care of a few days a week, Fitness Coach doing well, Overall Health and Fitness for myself was at its finest, Running in events, fitness challenges, Eating Right, House always cleaned/laundry done, handling all the family drama...shall I go on? Ya, you can only function like that for so long. I had a good run of it. Not to say I couldn't get back to a similar activity level, but man when things started changing a few years ago, it was hard to keep up. Sound familiar? I know many Super Moms, Super Women and I know many who hit those rough patches too.
What happened? Well I'll tell you what! Life Happened! Things are bound to catch up to you if you are unprepared it can trip you up. For me it was more or less one thing after another and mostly to do with my job but the way I handled it maybe could have been handled better. Another thing that happened is Raising 2 kids got harder, as parent, there is nothing harder than watching your children struggle through their own challenges. Don't get me wrong, being a parent is a gift and truly a blessing and privilege. That whole thought of it gets easier as they grow up, I got that all backwards. Take me back to the kindergarten age anytime. That's a story for another day. But when your child tells you "Mom you're here, but you're not really here", You know there is a problem. That would be me wrapped up in my job 24/7 the last few years.
Lets just say, all our actions, big or small have their consequences. And it's usually those small things over time that have the greatest affect. Good or Bad.
To be continued....
No comments:
Post a Comment